For years, I didn’t realize I was being emotionally and verbally abused. There were no bruises, no screaming fights. Just constant tension, confusion, and the slow erosion of my sense of self. It was the perfect example of death by a 1000 cuts.
Eye rolls, snapping of fingers, walking away, the criticism disguised as advice, the rude body language that screamed annoyance, and at times disgust. And this was the least of it.
If you’re reading this and wondering if what you’re experiencing is “really abuse,” I urge you to look beyond the surface. Abuse doesn’t have to be loud to be real. It is, in fact, subtle and manipulative by default.
Here are some signs—drawn from my own experience—that may help you see things more clearly:
1. Constant Criticism
I was always “wrong.” Every choice I made, from how I handled conversations to how I sat with my legs crossed, was met with critique. Eventually, I stopped trusting myself. I became indecisive, anxious, and hyper-aware, always waiting for and avoiding the next correction.
Ask yourself: Are you walking on eggshells in your own home?
2. Dismissed Feelings
When I expressed hurt, I was told I was “too sensitive” or “to grow a pair.” Over time, I started doubting my own reality. I stopped sharing. It became easier to stay quiet than risk being dismissed some more.
Ask yourself: Do you feel safe & heard expressing how you feel, or do you fear it will be ignored or ridiculed?
3. Name-Calling and Insults
I was called weak. Boring. Ignorant. Stupid. Fragile. Grouchy. – Daily. It felt like death by a thousand cuts—subtle at first, then sharp and relentless. I internalized the insults. I started to question them, which sent me on a no-win quest to improve, when in reality, there was nothing wrong with me.
Ask yourself: Are you being spoken to in a way that chips away at your self-worth?
4. Ridicule and Mocking
From how I walked to how I laughed, I became a punchline in my own relationship. This wasn’t playful teasing—it was humiliation disguised as humor. She said it was all in fun and that I needed to lighten up, but I knew better; it was yet another tool to break me down.
Ask yourself: Do you feel you must ‘hide’ around your partner?
5. Gaslighting (The Most Frustrating)
When I spoke up or asked for something to stop, I was told I was the problem. My reactions were the issue, not the abuse. I was given ultimatums, told I was overreacting, being weak, and needed to stop being so sensitive. 1 out of 10,000 times would she admit her wrongs. Her denial of reality made me question my own.
Ask yourself: Do you find yourself constantly apologizing or wondering if you might be the abuser?
6. Control and Manipulation
I wasn’t allowed to have preferences. If I disagreed, it became a fight. Slowly, I stopped having opinions. It felt easier to comply than to confront. This is where I most lost myself; my default answer to anything was whatever would cause the least conflict, regardless of what I wanted.
Ask yourself: Are your choices constantly dismissed or overridden?
7. Belittling and Mocking
My appearance and even medical issues were made fun of. For example, I was ridiculed at home and in public because I had difficulty hearing. I started staying quiet, holding back, going it alone.
Ask yourself: Are you filtering and staying quiet just to survive? Are you struggling alone, or can you depend on them?
Final Thought
Emotional and verbal abuse doesn’t always leave visible scars and can be hard to recognize, label, understand, and acknowledge that you are a victim of this abuse.
If this spoke to you:
Share it. Bookmark it. Talk about it.
And if you’re ready to name what’s happening in your life, I promise—it’s not too late to save yourself.
You deserve respect. You deserve peace. You deserve to be believed.
Start there.
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