Personal Values: Rediscovering what matters most.

My therapist recently gave me an exercise to help clarify what truly matters to me—to reconnect with who I am at my core. After more than a decade of emotional and verbal abuse, I’ve been left rebuilding everything: my thoughts, my feelings, my sense of self. If you’ve never experienced this kind of abuse, that might sound dramatic or even hard to understand. But that’s exactly why I’m sharing this—to give voice to a reality many silently endure in our society.

The activity started with identifying two core values from a list of over 75. I initially narrowed it to seven, but after some deep thought, two stood out above the rest: Peace and Freedom.

From there, I was asked to answer three questions about each value to better understand how they actually show up in my life. Below, I’m sharing my answers in case someone out there—someone who’s navigating trauma, recovery, or just trying to rediscover themselves—finds this exercise as helpful as I did.

For me, these two values now serve as my compass. My goals, calendar, relationships, even my to-do list—everything needs to align with Peace and Freedom. That’s how I begin to heal. That’s how I begin to experience happiness again.

Value 1: Peace

• Behaviors that support this value:
  Letting go of guilt and refusing to allow others to judge or guilt me for how I feel, what I prefer, or what I think. I am finding contentment in being true to myself and accepting that peace comes from within.
• Slippery behaviors outside this value:
  I often stay silent and go along with what others want, even when it doesn’t feel right. Later, I regret this decision and feel frustrated with myself, thinking, “I knew better” or “I should have spoken up.” My guilt, self-judgment, and the internal rules I’ve created to survive often override my own voice and needs. My goal is to practice setting clear boundaries without over-explaining or justifying myself, and to allow others to feel uncomfortable without internalizing their discomfort.
• Example of living this value:
  When I’m alone, I feel free, and with that freedom comes peace. There’s no pressure to perform or conform. This is not to say I always want to be alone, but at this moment, I prefer it.
  

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Value 2: Freedom

• Behaviors that support this value:
  I am releasing my fear of judgment and allowing myself to speak, act, pursue, and be my true self. I aim to think beyond my current limitations and explore other solutions, breaking free from the narrow reality in which I have felt trapped. I will overcome both self-imposed and external barriers.
• Slippery behaviors outside this value:
  First, I create too many expectations for myself, too many lists, too many goals. I pressure myself constantly, which traps me in a cycle of responsibility and makes me feel too busy to actually live freely. Second, I lack strong support and connection, few close friends or family, which limits my courage, perspective, and sense of personal security in living life. Recognizing when discipline serves me vs. when it controls me. Freedom sometimes looks like less doing, not more effort.
• Example of living this value: I’m gradually having more moments where I express my preferences and feel truly seen, supported, and free to be myself.