When the future is unclear, lean on your core values.

The last couple of years have been rough. My marriage fell apart, leading to a separation. I got hit with a medical diagnosis that shook me pretty good. I’ve fought with alcohol, worked on my health, and am trying to figure out who I am and what I want. It’s been a lot, and the future’s felt uncertain to say the least. In fact, ambiguous (or muddy) would be a word I could use to label the past 2-3 years.

Through it all, I found something that keeps me grounded: my core values. With help from my therapist, I identified my top three: PEACE, FREEDOM, and RESPECT. These aren’t just words; they guide my choices, from how I spend my day to where I want to be in a year. They’ve helped me in so many ways, making decisions with these core values has felt easier and, honestly, sometimes harder. Often, choices are not always easy; what may be a priority for you may not be for others.

Core values are like a filter for life. When you’re lost—whether it’s marital problems, addiction, or just feeling stuck—they give you clarity. Peace means I prioritize my mental health and avoid toxic behavior. Freedom is about living on my terms, free from guilt and ‘shoulds” – not trapped by old habits. Respect is about showing myself respect by taking care of my health and wellbeing, but also showing respect to others, which sometimes involves speaking the truth, even though it’s uncomfortable. A rule to live by here is this: if you care about someone, tell them the truth.

Here’s how you can find your core values:

1. Recall your best moments. When did you feel most like yourself? What made those times special? Look for patterns.
2. Note what frustrates you. If dishonesty bugs you, maybe integrity’s a value. If control freaks drive you nuts, freedom might be key.
3. Pick three values. Google “core values list” if you need ideas. Narrow down the list to the 3 that “feel” right to you.
4. Use them. Test your values on decisions. Does this job align with them? Does this person respect what matters to you?

If you’re a guy dealing with tough stuff—marriage issues, addiction, or just feeling lost—know you’re not alone. My values have helped me make sense of the chaos, from small daily choices to planning my future. Take a minute to find yours. They’ll guide you, one step at a time.